Email Spam...

[ThomasGrant]

Have a read of this email I got today.

>From Zenith Bank Plc
RE:YOUR PAYMENT NOTIFICATION
From:Mr Walters Obaru
Remittance Manager
Zenith Bank Of Nigeria.

Attention: 

This is to officially inform you that one Mrs. Cynthia Edward, came to my office to let us know that you are DEAD, and before your death, you instructed her to come for the claim of your funds in the tune of US$10.5Million that was long abandoned in your name with Zenith Bank Of Nigeria.So here comes the big question....

(:i) Did you authorize Mrs. Cynthia Edward to come for your claim?

(ii) Are you truly Dead OR Alive?

If (NO) you are hereby advice as a matter of urgency to reconfirm the details of this message within 24hours, hence your ATM MASTER CARD shall be deliver to her without any more delay.

Below is the information provided by Mrs. Cynthia Edward to this bank, are you also the one who ask her to provide this bank account to us?

Washington Mutual Bank
2075 S. Victoria Ave
Ventura, CA 93003
800 788-7000
Acct. name: Mrs. Cynthia Edward.
Type: Checking
ABA # 322271627
Acct # 1951204345
Amount: US$10.5Million.

This card centre will send Her the ATM CARD if we dont hear from you and this Card can be used to withdraw your money in any ATM MACHINE in any part of the world, but the maximum is ($5,000.00) Five Thousand Us Dollars per transaction. So, if you like to receive your fund this way, $15,000 usd for you to withdraw for a day and each transaction is $ 5,000usd minimum which you have to withdraw $15,000 usd for one working day also be informed that the total amount in the  SWIFT ATM CARD is $10.5 million usd.

We wait for your urgent response today. You need to act very fast, because if this bank wait for your urgent reply within three working days and did not received any message from you, you will be consider dead, and your funds will be transfer to Mrs. Cynthia Edward. An immediately telephone call will be better on +234-7037263283 or email to ( zenithplc1@live.com ) so that you can speak with the
M.D Dr Jim Obaru.

Best Regards,
DR JIM OBARu
Remittance Manager
Zenith Bank Of Nigeria

Great way to start the email.

This is to officially inform you that one Mrs. Cynthia Edward, came to my office to let us know that you are DEAD, and before your death,

I am dead.   

What the?

[ThomasGrant]

Ohh missed this one.

(ii) Are you truly Dead OR Alive?

Umm...

Let me check...

ROFL...

[F_LAT_INO]

After not so good session last night,you have brought a smile back
thanks.

[ThomasGrant]

After not so good session last night,you have brought a smile back
thanks.

LOL...

Good to hear.
That was a real email I got today.

I read it.
And it cracked me up.

[VLS]

(ii) Are you truly Dead OR Alive?

Because if you are alive, we would very much like to scam you...

[ThomasGrant]

Because if you are alive, we would very much like to scam you...

Yes, but I have never seen an email start with the statement of saying that you are dead.

[ThomasGrant]

We wait for your urgent response today.

Err, but I am supposed to be dead.

[Twisteruk]

Thomas, freak them out and phone the number and say, "Hi its me. Yep Im Dead!" LOL 

[ThomasGrant]

Here is another spam email I got today.

HSBC BANK
INCONJUCTION WITH
UNITED NATIONS.
:.un.org.bj



Dear Beneficiary



How are you today ?.I'm writing to inform you that I have Paid the fee for your United Nations Compensation Draft Cheque. Yesterday, I went to the bank to confirm if the Cheque has expired or getting near to expire and Mr.Allen Thomas the Director of HSBC BANK told me that before the cheque will get to your hand that it will expire.  So I told him to cash the $5.950,000.00, to cash payment to avoid losing this funds under expiration as I will be out of the country for a 3 Months Course and I will not come back till end of 2010. What you have to do now is to contact the TNT Express Courier (tnt.tnt.courier@w.cn) as soon as possible to know when they will deliver your Consignment package to you immediatey.For your information, I have paid for the yellow tag fee  and delivery Charge.

The only money you will send to the TNT Courier to deliver your Consignment Package direct to your postal Address in your country is US$115 only being Security Keeping Fee for the TNT Courier Service so far. I would have paid that but they said no because they don't know when you will contact them and in case of dumourrage on your Package with them.

Please write a letter of application to the given address below:

Company Name: TNT EXPRESS COURIER
Manager. kessier Febian
Email: tnt.tnt.courier@w.cn
Contact Tel: +229-99 85 73 20

Finally, make sure that you reconfirm your Postal address....,nearest local and international airport..., Direct telephone number..... contact address.... and Your Passport or Driver's licence.... to avoid wrong delivery, they will issue you a delivery code#, to enable you track your consignment box and know when it will get to your address.

Let me repeat again, try to contact them as soon as you receive this mail to avoid any further delay and remember to pay them their Security Keeping fee of $115.00 for their immediate action to deliver urgently. Note this. The TNT Courier don't know the contents of the Box Package. I registered it as a BOX of Africa cloths. They did not know the contents was money. this is to avoid them delaying with the BOX.  Don't let them know that box contains money ok.

We are sorry for the past inconvieneces

Regards,
Dr Ms Anna Luis
HSBC BANK
CC DEPT

The only problem is...

They never mention my name anywhere.
Not in the email.
Not in the addressed to.

[Twisteruk]

I wonder if "they" think signing the letter as a "Dr" that will be the Clincher ?


Damn Thomas, you is gonna be Rich !!!  

[ThomasGrant]

I wonder if "they" think signing the letter as a "Dr" that will be the Clincher ?


Damn Thomas, you is gonna be Rich !!!  

Dear Beneficiary

That could mean anyone...

I use to get a great deal of spam like this from Nigeria.

Funny true story.
I sent a reply for fun.
I actually got a call from one of these people.
The real funny thing was.
He was calling from a telephone box.
Man, I nearly wet my self.

[ThomasGrant]

They just keep rolling in.
Here is another email spam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Business Proposal
From:Mr.Edward Johnson
Bank UBS AG Switzerland
Postfach 8098 Zurich
Switzerland
Postal Account: 80-2-2
SWIFT: UBSW CH ZH 80A
:.ubs.com
tel:0041 43 5000420
Email:edj467@gmail.com


Good Day,

I am an investment consultant working with Bank UBS AG Zurich at their offshore department Zurich Switzerland. I will be happy to work this deal out with you if you have a corporate or personal Bank Account and if you are capable to keep TOP SECRET. I need strong Assurance that you will never let me down, if I transfer this money to your account.

During one of our periodic auditing I discovered a dormant accounts with holding balance of US$42,759,000.00 {Forty Two Millon seven hundred an fifty Nine Thousand US Dollars only} Sometimes a person will open a bank account, deposit money, and then disappear into the tin air. Banks are not always able to find out what has become of these silent customers, or to know whether they should follow up on requests from people who claim to be heirs to the accounts.

The main problem is that the customer resides abroad and, due to bank secrecy, the bank cannot publish notices in the international press to locate the depositaries. This has led the majority of Swiss banks to refrain from opening small-deposit accounts for foreign customers; for fear that they will forget that the account exists.

It has happened in the past, however, that customers pass away and their heirs can neither prove the death, nor their heir ship.

This was a frequent occurrence during the wartime periods, and the banks have now set up a simple, rapid resolution procedure operating to their customers' advantage. Dormant assets are defined as any assets deposited with a bank (i.e. an account, a custody account or a safety-deposit box) for which there has been no contact with the customer in the bank's files for the last ten years or more.

I am constrained to issue more details about this business until your response is received. If you know that you are capable to handle large or small amount on trust and can keep secret and ready to take 45% of any amount I transfer to your account from the dormant account and I will take 55%, send your account information's by return mail. Tell me more about yourself, while I look forward to receive the above information.

I want to re-assure you that this business is risk free and you can send an empty account to receive the funds, provided that the account is capable to receive incoming funds.

Looking forward to discuss this opportunity further with you in detail. Please email me back on this mail address: edj467@gmail.com
Or provide me with your phone number for discussion of this transaction in further details.

Thank you for your time and attention.
Regards,
Mr.Edward Johnson
tel:0041 43 5000420

[ThomasGrant]

Looks like these emails have Death on the brain.
Are you dead yet?

Monty Python-Bring out your dead!

[ThomasGrant]

And here is a South Park Version.

South Park Monty Python Special Edition

[Twisteruk]

LOL 

I wudnt be capable of keeping it TOP SECRET !