A Message From Victor

[Twisteruk]

Is there any chance of a reconciliation mate ?

Its the same here, I had to wait 1 year for mine too 

[VLS]

Is there any chance of a reconciliation mate ?

She explicitly said she's still in anger. Precisely because of that we were advised NOT to proceed entering the documents for the civil registry right away.

In other circumstances as a couple without a small child, divorce goes straight in less than a week, but since there is Jr. in the middle the advice was to give it some weeks to see if there is a chance of a friendly comeback.

If not, even after entering documents and paying legal fees the document has a mandatory clause enforcing an exact 365 days hold before the towns' civil registry offices nullify the marriage.

I'll keep you guys updated. Also, on monday I may be getting a regular 8-hour job.

I've been adviced to have constancy of salary and a current job reference from a company. It can also be beneficial psychologically to know I'm not relying only on temporary contracts, particularly these days.

Kind regards.

[iggiv]

"Also, on monday I may be getting a regular 8-hour job."

that's one GOOD NEWS!!! Keep pushing, good luck!!!

[VLS]

"Also, on monday I may be getting a regular 8-hour job."

that's one GOOD NEWS!!! Keep pushing, good luck!!!

Well, I do love and enjoy working on my own and some months are truly magnificent, making more than a salary man can do... (but then it's on the hunt again)!

On the other hand, this enables me to relax and -well- enjoy steady income. At least until all of this is past.

[iggiv]

u need some peace of mind. When u can be efficient freelancer u don't need 9 to 5 job, but otherwise...

[VLS]

UPDATE:

Wife came earlier today with Jr.

She was more calmed. She said not to proceed with divorce, to better give time to time and seek for peace. Lawyer was informed.

She won't move back home, but at least we can take it at personal level and not legal.

I hope in time we can grow confidence and be mature enough to carry on. Right now, the only sure thing is we love Jr, and we don't want to hurt him.
Perhaps my lesson is to value what I had. Perhaps her lesson is not to start rushing things when there are other ways. Either reasons,  we can start a new page. Not living together, but still with a bond.

From this point on, I must resume work, she must resume her activities, she wants to take a new career, I support her to do so.

...I can sleep in peace now, at least I know there's hope. I want to be my son's father for the long run. In the future we may live back together as a family. I know it can't be right away, but I know in my heart people can forgive each other in time. Let's give time to time. Let's allow for the time to come.

Thanks to all for your cherished and valued kind words of support.

I hope good times come for our board.

Yours truly,
Victor

[iggiv]

novedades buenas 

[esoito]

"...I can sleep in peace now, at least I know there's hope."

That is the best news so far. 

You're both talking. The door is still open. You both want peace and a happy outcome.

It won't be easy, but there are some green shoots of new life and a new understanding already appearing, judging from what you've written so far.

Good things happen where there is Love...

Pax tecum.

[chrisbis]

I want to be my son's father for the long run.

Yours truly,
Victor

My Dear friend Victor.

Its great news to hear of your progress. I truly hope the best outcome for each and everyone of you involved,

Having been divorced for 22 years now, and with four wonderful children from the marriage,  I can  tell you that keeping up the contact with both the children, and their mother, was the hardest, and the most rewarding experience I have encountered.
It also turns out the most important thing that has occupied my Personal life ever since we split.
I still get on well with my ex-wife to this day, and have helped them out in all sorts of ways- she went on to re-marry and have a 5th child. And that child comes to my house too!

One thing to set in stone for Urself right from the outset, is that children are the most resourceful of the human race, and will adapt quickly to changing arrangements.
Usually better than the adults do.!!
I see all four of my children very regularly, they have free, unrestricted access to me 24/7 & 365, one of them works with me in my profession.

Remember this too, with regard to the line I have highlighted in your message quoted above.....................No matter what occurs..................
U will ALWAYS be your son's father....................................That will NEVER alter.

All the best Victor.

Christopher.

[crownroyal]

Hello Victor,

Happy to hear that things are starting to improve for you. I was married for 11 years and then divorced. Fortunately, no kids. We went our separate ways for 5 years and then hooked up again.  We don't live together, but we have been seeing each other for the past 13 years. We're closer than ever. I think the relationship works because we are not living together.

A friend told me an old saying that you may have already heard. It goes like this : Men marry women, thinking that they will never change, but they do. Women marry men, thinking that they will change, but they don't. There's the problem.

I'm hoping that things continue to improve for you, your wife, and Victor Jr.

Sincerely,
crownroyal

[VLS]

@Chris

Thank you dear Chris.

I ment it more in the sense of never wanting a 3rd party to rise my son under values which aren't my own. That won't happen. I'm making everything I can humanly make in order to vouch for reconciliation. And I mean it in full. I do not want to live away from my family.

I do know it can take time to reunite, but we are moving forward, little by little. With every visit, with every interaction. In the mean time while we aren't living together, I'm focusing on getting financial resources and offering as much support as I can to her and Jr.

@Crown

I think the relationship works because we are not living together.

In my book family must be united, turning a house into home. I'm a family man and gladly admit it!

But I don't judge. I also know: Each couple a world. Each person a cosmos.

If you both are happy that's what matters the most.

Thank you for sharing your experience(s).

[Spinner]

Hi Victor
Sad to hear of your tribulations, but pleasedv that there may be some light at the end of the tunnel! My thoughts are with you.  One day at a time.

Best wishes

[demac]

Wishing you peace and all the best Victor.  Never let anger rule your decisions.  I've been married / divorced three times all nasty argumentitive when Lawyers involved.  Settled down to peaceful discussions later on one to one.  Children adapted better than I thought, Daughter and son found me after a few years and very close now.

[esoito]

A thoughtful post, demac. 

And, from a fellow Antipodean, welcome to the forum. 

[VLS]

Thank you dear friends for your most thoughtful advice.

The worse times have passed. I am seeing Jr. almost on a daily basis now.

As for the day job, I conceded it to a long-term friend who was in greater dismay (mom ill, unemployed).

At least I got my local IT clients, he's got nothing --Well, now he's got the job.



I am taking my time to make 2011 the year I finally either become a full-time web programmer OR the year I forget about the internet and go intern into working for a local company full time.

As for the personal life, I look forward to have everything sorted by the end of the year. With my son by my side again and -hopefully- wifey completely back.

Slowly but surely.

Interesting year in my life indeed!

Vic